What's your status?

How are the status messages on Facebook used as language?
The Facebook status feature is arguably one of the most used features of the social networking site ‘Facebook’ amongst the students of the Lincoln Community School. On Wikipedia (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Facebook_features#status), it is stated that the purpose of the ‘status message’ is to inform your friends about your whereabouts and activities. However, as Facebook has evolved, the status message has evolved into something much more, and is now more along the lines of a sort of ‘one sentence emotional blog’. This opens up several questions as to the complexity of the status updates and how they can be used to passively influence different relationships with friends as well as being used as a second form of language.
When first joining Facebook, most people (including myself) use the status message for its literal meaning, and post where they are geographically and what they are currently doing at any one moment. New Facebook users begin posting monotonous status updates at less than noteworthy parts of their days. E.G.

Fox is bored
Fox is at school
Fox is going to bed
Fox is doing homework

Et cetera. This quickly becomes boring and repetitive and, needless to say, this doesn’t exactly influence relationships, or communicate anything more than the superficial observations of an outside observer.
However, when looking at a friend list, rarely do you see updates such as these. I just checked, and under my ‘recently updated’ friends, only six (6) out of fifty (50) of my friends on the first page used their status update to report on their physical positions and activity.

AAA is working on her essay -.-
BBB is on the way back to Amakom this morning, meeting with the chiefs tomorrow morning, and eager to see the construction progress.
CCC is in the library trying to work. 2nd floor again.

And so on. So what else do people use this feature for?
It appears that often these status updates are used to convey emotions or emotional states.

XXX asked you nicely, and now she is TELLING you; Get off her turf NOW, cos she is seriously peed off…
YYY is wondering: how much does He really care?
ZZZ -con te partiro, su navi per mari, che io lo so, no no non esistono piu.

These status updates provide much deeper information about the person, and can be analyzed by use of syntax, punctuation, capitalization, and content.
For instance, XXX is obviously quite angry towards someone or a group of someones. The use of all caps, the proverbial ‘yelling’ of the internet, combined with the choice of the word ‘telling’ rather than ‘demanding’ or something similar shows that XXX thinks that she has enough influence to simply tell someone something and it will happen, no questions asked. As well, there are two clues that XXX either doesn’t speak English as a first language, or was not raised in places where English was spoken predominantly. After the semicolon the letter ‘g’ is capitalized, which is throwing up a green squiggly in my grammar corrector, because it should be lowercase. As well, the use of the word ‘peed’ instead of ‘pissed’ shows that XXX understands that piss is a bad word. It also shows that she doesn’t understand that ‘pissed off’ is a euphemism for being angry, and that the more neutral word ‘pee’ can’t replace ‘piss’ in this case. And it shows that she wasn’t raised somewhere where English was spoken often, as she hasn’t heard of the safer replacement, ‘ticked off’.

YYY is feeling lonely, and rejected and is having relationship problems. It’s a rather short status message, but since the English is perfect, we have insufficient evidence to claim that YYY isn’t completely proficient in the English language. One thing does stick out though, the He is capitalized. This could mean several things; perhaps it was a mistake, and it shouldn’t have been capitalized, or the guy in question is very important, and the capital ‘H’ shows that she thinks he is one of a kind, or the He refers to the ‘Bible capital H-e’ meaning God, Yahweh, Jesus, etc.
From a first glance, ZZZ appears to be feeling alienated, since the person decided to use a language that isn’t English, which a large majority of the person’s friends use as their primary language. The person also decided to forgo the usual ‘So-and-so is doing such and such’ and instead is using the form ‘ZZZ - blah blah blah.’ This form is generally reserved for direct quotations from people, songs, or occasionally the person themselves. Throwing the raw text into babelfish gives a rough English translation that we can use for analysis. It comes out: ZZZ - with you I leave, on ships for seas, than know I it, I do not exist more. Adding some syntax to it and fixing the sentence structure, you can read this as “I will leave with you, our destination unknown. To anyone, I exist no more.” This could be taken as depressing, or as hopeful and loving, depending on the translation. Doing a quick Google, I see that these are the beginning lyrics to a song called “Con Te partiro (With you I will leave)” (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Con_te_partir%C3%B2) by Francesco Sartori and Lucio Quarantotto. The song has an English version, which further strengthens the argument that the person is using a different language to either alienate friends or to only give meaning to people that care enough to do the research to find out what it means. The English version has the lyrics:

Stranded alone on a sea of emotion

You found me

Your love was a light

In the darkness that shone

So profoundly

Say that you’ll stay

Do not be afraid, afraid

You, you’re my breath

The air I breathe

You are my imagination

Su le finesse

Song of my heart

Secrets I’m not afraid to whisper
(http://www.lyricsfreak.com/d/donna+summer/i+will+go+with+you_20042362.html)

These lyrics reveal the song to be a happier song than the rough translation was, and that the person in question is not depressed, but happy. I imagine that ZZZ is happy or content, but feels that people should have to ask, or do large amounts of research to understand that ZZZ is happy.
Either that, or ZZZ just likes the song, and decided to use part of it for a status message.

After all, these are only the basic ways that people communicate using Facebook statuses. There are many other reasons to post different things in the status messages; sometimes people put cryptic status messages that don’t mean anything, so people will ask them about them, sometimes people put the names of songs that they like, or lyrics that they particularly identify with, and some people don’t use status messages at all. Regardless, status messages have become important communication tools, which can be exhaustively deciphered and guessed at to try and gain a window into the minds of your friends, enemies, or acquaintances.

So be careful what you post as your Facebook status; it all means something.

Ramadanian!

I have a new challenge: coming up with witty titles that include Ramadan. It's not easy. Suggestions are welcome.

Day 4: (Friday)

I woke up like usual at 4:30 and had two huge bowls of Cinnamon Toast Crunch and another Clif bar. I adopted a new custom, that seems to give me much more sleep than I actually do. After I eat at 4:30, I go back to bed until 10 minutes before I have to leave, which is about 6:55. I wake up the second time and don't feel too tired or anything. Then I shower, get dressed and walk out the door. None of that putting around and getting ready crap. For some reason, I feel much more rested this way. Maybe after Ramadan stops, I'll continue to do this, just so I can get that extra two hours of sleep that I think I'm getting.

Friday was interesting. I decided after school I would combat hunger by going to a place in Osu called GameMetro where you can rent Xbox 360s, PS3s, Nintendo Wiis, etc. plus their games. Before Ramadan, when I was dating an ex-girlfriend video game nerd, we had gone down there for a day and tried to beat Gears of War, one of the bloodiest games I have ever encountered, on Co-op in one run. We had failed miserably, and had over seven consecutive hours on the record to prove it. So I figured that since I didn't have much homework, I should go back down there and try to finish the fight.
Here's where it gets interesting. I kind of... forgot... to tell my driver Eric that my ex and I had broken up, so when I told him where I was going, he was surprised that I was going alone.

Eric: Ah! So we will pick [my ex] first or we go? (translation: Will we be picking up [my ex] at her house, or just going straight there?)
Fox: Nah, I'm going there alone.
Eric: Oh! Is she not liking you? Oh Fox! You are not correct! (translation: Really? Did you make her mad? Shame on you.)
Fox: No, no, she's fine. I'm just going there alone.
Eric: You should call her and axek her to come. (he pronounces 'ask' as axe-k)
Fox: ... Alright fine.

So I text her asking if she wants to come, and surprisingly she says yes. So I go pick her up and we go waste another 6 hours from where we left off, and yet again, now with a combined 13 hours, we still haven't beat it. We died a lot. Screw you IGN and your 'Seven hours of solid gameplay'. (It sorta makes sense though considering that the timeline takes place over 36 'game hours.' By my reckon, that leaves us about 23 hours short. I say we spend all day Saturday there. But that's just me)

Now here's the funny part. I get out of school at 3:35. I finally pick up [my ex] and get to the place at 3:50. We sit down at 4 and play for six hours. By the time I look up, it's 10 PM! I've gone for four more hours extra on Ramadan! And I'm not even hungry! Well actually... now that I think about it... yes I am. Our time was almost up anyways, so I pay for the time, go drop her off at her house and go back home, where I ate half of a can of Salt and Vinegar Chips.

Difficulty: 2

Day 5: (Saturday)

I guess that everything equals out in the end, because Saturday was the hardest Ramadan day ever. Woke up as usual, then went back to bed and slept until nine. Then I got up, got on the internet, then went to youth group. The first problem came because someone had baked brownies. So everyone was given a brownie (I politely refused mine) to munch on for the entire of youth and my mouth started watering like an overzealous gardener on a yard of dying plants. Meaning, a lot. But eventually the smell of warm, freshly cooked brownies went away and we could get back to focusing on the Word of God.

After youth there was a puddle around my chair from my drool. After we cleaned that up, everyone packed up and we headed off to Chez Afrique, the closest Ghanaian food restaurant. I wasn't worried about the whole being at a restaurant thing, because normally the food takes forever. However, this time no one was there and our food came about 30 minutes early. 30 minutes before the sun set. So for 30 minutes, I kid you not, I stared at my food, smelled it, watched other people eat theirs, and generally did not do exactly what I wanted to do. Thanks Allah. You owe me one man.

Difficulty: 7.5

Day 6: (Sunday)

The Mozleys have a tradition of going out to eat every Sunday. As well, I was kind of tired of fasting. So I decided that Sundays would be 'my day' to do whatever I want. Chiefly, to eat and drink whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted. Don't tell my friend.

Difficulty: 0

Day 7: (Monday)

Quite easy. I pigged out on Sunday, so I wasn't hungry or thirsty at all.

Difficulty: 1

Day 8: (Tuesday)

The first day I had fasting and Volleyball practice the same day. I was a little worried, but it actually didn't bother me at all. Nothing to report here either.

Difficulty: 2

Day 9: (Wednesday)

I had Volleyball early today, so I woke up at 4 to eat, then slept until 6. Unfortunately, I didn't drink enough water, and my throat was parched dry after practice. I had a swig of someone's water, so it didn't hurt when I swallowed, then went the rest of the day obeying the fast. It got pretty tough though, I was starving at 1:30 on my way home (we get out early on Wednesdays) so I watched horror movies to lose my appetite. (For the record, The Invasion isn't too scary and only slightly less interesting than the trailers)

Difficulty: 5

Still no comments... Did everyone stop checking because I didn't update for forever?

Ramadan Fun! Days 1-3

For those of you that don't live within earshot of Muslim friends, the Islam holiday of Ramadan started on Monday! For the last two years, this has been the bane of the existence of one of my friends at my school. From Wikipedia:

Ramadan (Arabic: رمضان, Ramaḍān) is a Muslim religious observance that takes place during the ninth month of the Islamic calendar, believed to be the month in which the Qur'an was revealed to Angel Gabriel, who later revealed it to the Prophet Muhammad. It is the Islamic month of fasting (sawm), in which participating Muslims do not eat or drink anything from dawn until sunset.

Yeah, that's right. Nothing in the mouth from 6am to 6pm. Not that bad, eh? Try doing it for an entire month.

Each year, my Muslim friend complains about it: every day for a month, she gets up at 4:30 AM to eat and drink enough for the entire day (emphasis on drink; you lose body moisture very quickly in Ghana), then goes to school and can't eat or drink even water until 6 PM that same day. And each year she guilts me into trying it, so I can 'feel her pain.'

Well this year, I'm taking it to a whole new level; I decided I'm going to fast the entire month of Ramadan. Well most of it anyways. Today I forgot. But tomorrow'll be my third day of fasting. It isn't such a big deal so far, but we'll see how I feel in a few weeks.

Day 1:

Not too difficult. I began the day with a bowl of Lucky Charms and a Cliff Bar and I didn't notice any hunger pains. I only caught myself longing for sustenance one time. When I got home, everyone was in the kitchen and I reached for a cup, only to mentally slap my hand. Other than that, I didn't really notice anything. Everyone sat down to dinner before the sun set so I literally sat at the table and watched everyone else eat for 10-15 minutes, before I was satisfied that it was dark enough out.

Difficulty(scale of 1-10): 3

Day 2:

Apparently my fasting efforts inspired my surrogate sister Maggie Mozley to join in on the fast. She's ridiculously skinny as it is, so I was a little worried that she might faint or something, but she held up pretty strong and (I assume) kept the fast for the entire day.
In Fox's world, it was a little harder, only because this time I decided not to wimp out and have a normal breakfast. No energy bars this time; I ate a bowl of Lucky Charms and a peanut butter sandwich. There were minimal hunger pains, but I did feel kind of gassy the entire day, and my stomach rumbled like a raging stampede of clichéd metaphors.

Difficulty: 4.5

Day 3:

I woke up late, and I forgot. Sue me.

Difficulty: 0

For the record, My Muslim friend forgot to start Ramadan on Monday. I asked her about it, and she said that Ramadanians can make up days that they missed, by tacking on a few extra fasting days on the end, so I guess I'll do that. Also, for those who it interests, there are lists of rules about the fasting; things like:

• Muslims are to avoid impure sights and sounds
• Sexual thoughts and activities are forbidden (good luck on that with the Male Muslims)
• Purity of thought is required
• Children (and pre-pubescent teens) as well as people with heath issues are exempt from fasting
• Women are not to fast during their periods, and
• Muslims are to practice self-discipline, sacrifice, and sympathy for those who are less fortunate.

How to lose (almost) every friend you've ever had

Having too many friends can be quite annoying, can't it?

They're always calling, and talking to you, and trying to get you to go and do fun and exciting stuff, when sometimes all you want to do is sit at home and watch the Hannah Montana marathon and the National Geographic special on tapeworms. After reading this post, you will know exactly what to do to get rid of that excess of friends, so you can have enough free time to sit at home in your room practicing so you can beat that Guitar Hero song on expert, or enough time to go through every link on Digg or Stumbleupon.

Or perhaps you just dislike talking to your friends. Maybe you like going to go see movies with your friends or helping out at local church, but you don't like the whole 'people talking to you' deal that comes with having friends. You would prefer to just be at the back of the group, no matter where you go, and treated like you don't belong.

If any of the above sounds familiar, you have too many friends. This how-to article is for you. After doing the following, your former 'friends' won't bother socializing with you.

1. Get a bunch of friends.

I know this first step seems rather obvious, but in order to lose your friends, you gotta have them in the first place! Try to be friends with different kinds of people; popular kids, losers, jocks, band nerds, etc. It helps if you all share some common connection, like going to the same school or the same youth group. It also helps if all your friends are also friends with each other, as I'll explain later. I suggest that one or two of the friends in the group that you want to lose friends that you have known for more than 5 or 6 years prior to beginning. It's much more impressive losing a few great friends than losing a bunch of good friends, and for the sake of completeness in this guide we'll teach you how to lose both sets of friends at the same time.

2. Move

This is the simplest step of all, if you do it right. You must pick a good place to move to, somewhere where it is a bit of an inconvenience to contact you, and somewhere that it's impossible to go to 'just for a visit.' Some suggest moving to Northern United States, but anywhere thats more than a few states away will work. You must move to a place that takes a few extra digits to dial your new number. Americans have an inherent fear of the keypads on their phones, and most are afraid they will anger their telephone companies by dialing outside their local area code. Therefore, in some cases, only moving a few zip codes away will achieve the disired effect. Make sure that you pick somewhere if they were to come visit the travel time wouldn't be worth the trip. The ideal moving destination is to another country. It takes several extra digits to call, visiting you would greatly inconvenience your friends and best of all, you will achieve a sort of 'alien effect'. This is useful so later on when you visit, everyone will remind your friends that you had many different experiences than they did, and that this ultimately makes you better than them, and more deserving of attention.

3. Stay there for (only) a while

Pretty self explanitory. Live wherever you move for a while, but not too long. A year is long enough to make them to stop emailing you and messaging you, without it being so long that they forget about you. Make sure before you move, when you say good bye to all those annoying friends, that they know that you're only gonna be there for a year. This step is crucial, because you want them to stick it in their mind that they should hold on to you, because you didn't really move, you went on a year-long vacation. This thinking will be critical to the trickery in the next step.

4. Change your plans

About half-way through your year-long vacation, just after they stop emailing or writing (they won't call. Trust me on this) announce that you will be staying there longer than expected. Blame it on something that you can't change, like your parents work plans, or God. When in doubt, just tell everyone you "feel a calling toward that area" and anyone that argues looks like a heretic. Be sure to establish that you will be coming back to your friends to visit, but then you'll be going again for another year. They will see this as an extension of your vacation and makes the next step pretty easy.

5. Come back to visit

Do what you said you would; come back for a visit. Act as if you've been away on vacation for a year. Your friends will welcome you back with open arms. They will hang out with you, call you, txt message you, go see movies with you, etc. Basically, they'll treat you like you never left. Be friendly, but overall be sure to keep your goal clearly in sight: alienate and cut these same friends out of your life. We must put up with them for the eventual greater good.
On to the next step.

6. Have a romantic fling with one of your close friends

That line above originally read '6. Start a romantic relationship with one of your close friends,' but after careful consideration I realized that 'relationship' wasn't the correct word. 'Relationship' implies a lasting connection, while using 'fling' shows that you know that the relationship is only temporary. This shouldn't be too difficult, as the overall consensus of people that I was in contact with during my summer vacation was that it is inconceivable that two people could develop any sort of 'real' connection over a short time (say, a week). Everyone that felt the need to inform me of their opinion on teenage relationships told me that that, although two people have known each other for half their lives, it is impossible for them to realize that they mean far more to each other than they originally thought. So if you are one of these people, you shouldn't have any moral issues having a 'fling' with one of your closest friends.

7. Make sure everyone knows about it

Make sure that all of the friends that you are trying to lose are well aware of your 'fling'. This could be done online by doing anything from changing your Facebook status to something involving the member of your affection, to dedicating a love song to them using iLike, to temporarily changing your relationship status to 'it's complicated with (name of girl).'

(Thanks XKCD)

Of course, for those who prefer a more personal touch, you can achieve the same results by being seen (read: caught) doing something romantic, like making out. Either way, you want your friends to feel played, and the member of your affection to feel used when you...

8. Become unreachable for a week or two

Ideally right as the 'fling' is reaching the point where it would logically transition into a relationship. This can be done by going to summer camp, going to go visit relatives far away from your soon to be ex-friends, or some such thing. You want to give all of your friends time to stew in the seeming pile of rejection that you have left them with. It must be noted here that no actual rejection has taken place yet. As of now, the illusion of rejection is shaky. It is possible to for this series of events that we have carefully strung along to be matters of chance for a very unlucky person or very stupid person. We must persevere in our quest to make ourselves look like total assholes, and this can be done by failing to communicate with any of your friends during this week immediately after the fling. This gives the object of your supposed affection time to realize that you didn't actually feel any sort of long-lasting bond between the two of you, and instead were just out to get a week long make-out buddy. This is further compounded by the fact that you don't contact her during your unreachable week. She will see this and think that you didn't take her seriously, when in fact you were thinking about her nonstop every minute you weren't talking to her. As if that wasn't enough, thanks to our step 7, all your friends know about it, so they will constantly pelt her with questions, unsolicited comments, and unwanted sarcasm about the noted 'fling'. As much as you could learn to love her in one week, she will learn to hate you in the following week. The small rejection that you showed the rest of your friends by trying to lay down the foundations to become more than friends with that special someone will be magnified a hundredfold. Your 'squeeze' will hear all about your biggest flaws, your annoying habits, and your most embarrassing moments.

And if this isn't enough for your lady friend to change her mind about you, never fear! Think of all of your friends that witnessed your 'fling'. Is there not one in the entire group that has a mouth too big for her own good? There is? Well that's great! Now your friend's parents, the people at your church, your girl's parents, your teachers, and any of your friends that hadn't picked up that you two were 'it's complicated' will hear in great detail and annoyingly appropriate hyperbole all about what happened. So no longer is your you-wish-girlfriend limited to hearing about all the reasons you don't deserve her from people that witnessed first-hand the 'fling.' Thanks to the power of gossip, she can be subject to the unwanted opinions of anyone with two ears that knows one of the two members involved.

By these powers combined, you have reached your first goal: Making one of your closest friends hate you. Let's see if we can't expand our horizons and get the rest of our less interesting (and less attractive) friends into the 'I Hate You Fanclub.' (Look! We made buttons!)

9. Come back; be confused as hell

This should be pretty easy. Theoretically, someone reading this guide wouldn't have any idea what's going on. When you left, you and your fling talked, made out, and really enjoyed just being around each other. Now, a week later, she hates you. You have no idea why (in theory). Act as such!

10. Leave for your faraway home before you have time to realize what went wrong

She will make it very difficult for you to figure out what went wrong. This isn't a probable thing, this is just what girls do. Tie it onto your hand and treat it as another finger, because you can count on it. They say that there are several constants in this world. Every object contains some heat, everything is subject to gravity, and girls will always make it difficult to figure out what you did wrong. So as long as your leaving sometime in the next, oh, six months you won't have time to figure out what happened, so this step should be as easy as number 9. And since you aren't a fucking mind reader and you aren't blessed with omniscience there isn't any way you could figure it out anyways without a team of private investigators, court-issued wiretaps, and and inside man. Of course, being a girl, she won't listen to reason, and say you don't care because you didn't try hard enough. Never mind the confused messages you left on her Myspace, the dozens of txts you sent to her trying to elicit a response, and piles of voicemails from you apologizing for everything under the sun except what she wants to hear. She won't respond to any of them, and if you happen to meet her in person she'll simply give you the cold shoulder. Keep in mind that theoretically you have no idea what's going on, and therefore are forced to leave to your out-of touch home, leaving her pissed off and with a completely erronous idea of you that seems to be ripped right out of a lame Hollywood B-rated romance movie.

11. Get back to your life

Try to forget her. Try to talk to your other friends that you left.

Fail at both.

12. Come back again

By now, you've run out of excuses to stay wherever you moved to. But instead of going back like normal, use this as a measure of your success. Go back to your friends, if they still are your friends. Treating one of their own as someone special, while seemingly simultaneously rejecting them is sure to have put a serious strain on your relationship. Pair this with the special treatment that you receive from living in a foreign country as we mentioned above, and your friends won't want anything to do with you. When you aren't babbling on and on about how different life is outside the US, you'll be p Because they just won't understand. The script has been perfectly written, like in the old Buster Keaton films or Fatty Arbuckle comedy sketches. We are all actors on a stage, except there's no musical accompaniment and we all ad-lib our lines.

Speaking of which, you remember your good friend, the one you had a 'thing' with? Ofaying attention to (in their eyes) they only friend that still matters to you. The friend you had a 'thing' with, is how they will refer to it. As if you two had some sort of disease or something. Because they just won't understand. The script has been perfectly written, like in the old Buster Keaton films or Fatty Arbuckle comedy sketches. We are all actors on a stage, except there's no musical accompaniment and we all ad-lib our lines.

Speaking of which, you remember your good friend, the one you had a 'thing' with? Of course you do, you never forgot. Well guess what? Chances are, by now she has a boyfriend. And since she never forgave you, he's gonna be pissed too, because he's heard the stories as well. So if you stay, not only do you have to deal with him, but you have to explain yourself to her, not to get her to like you, but to get her to talk to you again. You know it's a conspiracy against you, by cosmic powers greater than ours, so how do you show her that you didn't take advantage of her, that you actually care(d) about her?



Well, I guess that's up to you. At this point, your really good friend hates you, and has a boyfriend that would like to hurt you. Your other valued friends see you as an elitist who thinks he's too good to socialize with the likes of them, and is only after girls he can make out with. Almost everyone else you know in the entire city knows that you and your good friend had a 'thing,' and will always make things awkward between the two of you, even if they don't mean to.

And here the choice is yours: We have succeeded in what we set out to do. Everyone that used to be a friend now hates you. Even people that weren't friends will unintentionally fuel the fires of distain and hatred.

So do you keep things like this? Do you just move back again, and resume your old life? Does this girl mean so much that you would leave everything behind because you know she would be happier without you?

Or do you try and patch things up? You know you aren't what others say you are. Is it worth your reputation to show them that they are wrong?

Or is it possible do both?

Can you even do one?

Sticking his tongue so far into his cheek that he spits blood;
-Fox

Blog Spoofing Day: Ana S's picture blogs! (www.samarjian.blogspot.com)

Hi everyone, it's Ana Samarjian!

I've had the most amazing time traveling all over the world in the last few weeks, and I feel like a real jerk because of all the amazing things I've done and seen.
I up and left Accra a while ago, without telling anyone, instead of staying here with my friends, and saving the lives of small children who are dying of Malaria like I'm being paid to do. I've kept a journal of all of the amazing things I'm doing with the US taxpayer dollars funneled into the Fulbright fund, so I'll write a whole bunch of posts on all of that. I promise. And unlike all of my other promises to post more, I'll actually do this one. I promise. Just so you can feel sorry for me, and know that I care about my readers, you should know that I fought my way through the warzones in Kenya and Zimbabwe just to get to a good internet connection so I could upload these pictures, with semi-appropriate captions.

This first picture is from Zimbabwe. A while back I called the Zimbabwean President, Robert Mugabe, "A Crazy-Ass Lunatic." When I tried to leave the country, his guards arrested me. Mugabe gave me a choice: Be fed to lions, or jump off of the bridge at Victoria Falls. I thought to myself, "Well, I've already tamed lions... why not give skydiving a chance?" He wanted to push me off, but I managed to convince that crazy-ass that I could do it by myself. Luckily, he's really good with a camera, and caught me jumping off of the 335 foot bridge (111 meters).

(Not Photoshopped! I swear!)

After I left Zimbabwe, I spent all of my US government-salaried time here, pondering the problems with Malaria in West Africa.


That's me and my guide^^

Here's him again. While on our private beach, I decided to further run up the US government deficit by purchasing expensive bottles of wine kept in classy wooden diamond wine-holders.

We also went through lots of very real-looking African Jungles, because this is what Africa really looks like:

I was grateful that I had a chance to go and experience life in Africa as it really is: colorful, exciting and full of perfect picture moments that never get blurred or missed.

Why video games teach more than traditional classrooms ever will

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ILuP43jcaXw

(For those who can't see the embedded movie)

Amid a storm of controversy, Resident Evil: 5 is coming out.

Now I admit, I have never played any of the games, (except for maybe one or two in the arcades) and the 'zombie horror franchise' has never really appealed to me, but I must also admit, I am really looking forward to this game coming out.

Finally, the American public will get a chance to see what Africa is like. And not in the form of a Bono inspired debt relief video or a 'donate now and relieve your guilt' video featuring the same 15 barebones starving African children that inhabit movies of this guile. Because no one is 'really' inspired by those sorts of movies. The American public will finally be able to see the dark continent in a way that will truely stick: through an interactive video game.

I saw the trailer, and for my fellow xpats living in our wonderful continent, I'm sure you got those same chills down your spine, those same scary thoughts of "Oh my God, this doesn't look like a video game... This could actually happen!"

For those who don't know about the Resident Evil franchise, it is a series that is based around the idea that a virus was accidentally developed during the search for a perfect biological weapon. This virus reanimates dead tissue, with enough energy for lower brain function and some basic movement function. The virus is transmitted through blood contact, and has an almost certain infection rate. Thus creating: Zombies.

The first three Resident Evil games starred you as the main character shooting many Caucasian or European that had a tendancy to attack with a swarming effect. However, in Resident Evil: 4, the main enemies were no longer rotting 'whities' but instead, diseased Mexicans. And, different from the other three games, there were far more enemies to defeat. This was cited because the virus spreads much faster in South America due to a severe lack of healthcare.

Video games took a step up. No longer were they simply mindless escapism games, they actually meant something. You weren't killing Mexicans. You were battling the after-effects of an ignored and overlooked aspect of that land south of Texas. You were fighting for the survival of the human race. You were fixing your own mistakes, and the mistakes of your government.

Resident Evil: 5 might take this a step further. The principal ideas behind a zombie could be challenged. About the two minute mark in the movie, you see a man wearing aviators that looks strangely like a combination of Mugabe and J. J. Rawlings, who is shouting into a megaphone. Other bits show crowds that don't look zombified attacking the player. Is it possible that Capcom, the producers of RE5 are making some political commentary here? Is it possible that they are suggesting that getting a fictional virus is not the only way to become a zombie? After all, the traditional ideas that 'flag' a zombie are simply those of increased aggression, an unquestioning obedience for needs of the flesh, regardless of the needs or wellbeing of others, and dumb perseverance for an eventual victory(imagine the zombie at the back of the herd. He moves onward, even though there won't be any left for him). A good dictator could very well stimulate all of these amongst a crowd of desperate people, even to go as far a caniballism, another well known trait of the traditional zombie.

Unfortunately, allthough I applaud this new game focus, I don't think Capcom is that brave, to suggest that the line between fictional zombie and citizen of a dictitorial government is dangerously blurred. I do hope that they make good use of this aviator-toting Mugabe avatar though. I think a clever way to do it would be to use the white people as scapegoats. Mugabe has blamed the white man for his own problems many times before, to the unfortunate sacrifice of this people; blaming an exotic deadly virus on the white man seems like the natural step.

I really hope this game will be as revolutionary as it promises. This game could take a generation of gamers who have never left their couches for little more than a trip to Walmart for a soda and Fritos run into the deepest parts of the African Continent. This game can finally bring light to a continent that is so often forgotten in popular media, ignored in history books, and pitied in politics. This is not a game to be feared. Dispite the idea of 'white' killing 'black' this is not a game to flag 'RACIST.' This is a game that should be welcomed with open arms into America and recieve the full support of all countries in the African continent. Finally, people will learn about their existance.

You just can't buy international attention like this. And attention Africa will get.


'Bout time someone made 'em a video game.

China, Part 1

Hi, welcome. Please have a seat, the slide show should begin momentarily.

How have you been?
Oh, thats good, thats good...

What? Oh, I've been... alright.
Yeah, just alright.

Oh you know... a bit better than 'not so good' but not quite at 'great', 'good', or 'ecstatic'. Just, alright.

How has your week been?
Wow, really? Thats wonderful. I'm happy for you. Geez... Talk about lucky. No, but that's cool. Seriously, good job.

Hm?

Ah, I don't know... I was so overwhelmed with homework and stuff this week, I didn't really have time to do much. I joined flag football at my school, did you hear? Yeah, it's really fun. Finally, I'm in a sport.
No, I have time now, the play that I was in, The Little Shop of Horrors is finally over. I mean, it was fun and all, but the rehearsal schedule was ridiculous. Two weeks before the final performance we had practice every day from 4 to 9. 4 to 9! I didn't do homework for two weeks... So now I'm behind. And that wouldn't be so bad, if the rest of my math class (full of seniors) hadn't infected me with senioritis. It's been so bad, I have almost no motivation to do any of my work that I missed. Combine that with my crazy math teacher that gives us more homework than can be reasonably done in a day, and you have a recipe for disaster, man. The only thing thats keeping me sane is knowing that I have plenty of time once the seniors leave to catch up on my homework (if I get motivated). Oh geez...
Sorry, I'm doing it again. I know, you don't want to hear about my school work. It's one of my big problems. Math pretty much consumes my life, so if I'm not talking about it, then I'm a boring person. I'll stop now. How was your weekend?

Cool, sounds like fun.
Nah, I couldn't have come, I was at a party-thing with a few... friends. And I had fun.

What? What do you mean, how could-

Look, I don't-

Now hold on. I think-
What do you mean, how do I feel about-
Oh look. The slide show is starting.

Ah, China. Or at least the China that the Chinese Government wants you to see. Click on it to see the full picture, and notice the strategically placed advertisement for the Chinese Olympic Games 2008.

This is more of the China that I saw. No, that's not fog, that's pollution. This is in the heart of the city. I don't know how they can host the Olympics here...


This was interesting. Most of the skyscrapers appeared to be copies of each other. I commented on the way into China on the plane that the entire country looked like a Simcity game, e.g. there were lots of duplicate buildings placed in gridlike patterns. Even the slums housing looked alike. Amazing.


That being said, I was amazed how similar it was to the West. There were malls, Mcdonalds, Pizza huts, taxis with meters, guard rails, and everything.

Now, that being said, I was amazed how similar it was to the third world. There were people peddling stuff and begging outside the malls, you sometimes had to bargain for more food at Mcdonalds and Pizza hut, the taxis were still obscenely cheap, just a little more than the price of the gas to get there, the guard rails were broken, and everything was dirty.


Ms. Watson, a teacher at Lincoln and also a teacher that went on the trip commented that China was like a third world country...


...trying to disguise itself as a first world country.


One of the nice things tho that was completely different from first and third world countries was how many people used bicycles. Bicycles and other man-powered transportation were the most common form of transportation. If the rest of the world followed China, we could reduce global warming to almost nothing in a year or so.


Another thing that was nice was the old people's place in society. They had an established place, and one could see them doing thi chi, or some other martial arts exercise, every day in the public parks. I only wish I had gotten a picture of it. Especially this one form where I saw a bunch of very elderly men swinging these enormous swords around. It was so cool. I want a sword when I get old...


I captured this woman's image on top of the great wall. It was a difficult climb for us pink pudgy Americans to get up, so I assume it was a little difficult for her as well. I watched her sit down and rest, and look around at the commercialization that her country had so embraced. Up at the top of the wall that was covered in cheap, yes cheap Chinese merchandise, with picture taking spots where you could dress up like a Chinese emperor, and places where you could buy popcorn and disposable cameras and drinks and coffee and little 'Great Wall of China' trinkets, and other places where you could buy, for a very affordable price, the last shred of dignity of the Chinese people, where you could take a kiddy roller coaster ride, down the Great Wall (not kidding) and places where you could take a picture of yourself, standing on top of the pinnacle, conquering the Great Wall.
As I watched other Americans, other Europeans, my group, and eventually myself climb up all the way to the tip to get our photo taken, I couldn't help but think of how symbolic it all was. Us, the whites, the symbol of Capitalism here standing on top of the most symbolic monument to Chinese history ever.

My only regret is that I didn't get a picture of the look on the old woman's face... It was a face that could have halted the entirety of globalization right in its tracks...





... So I think we'll take a short intermission right now, and be back in a few minutes. There are some refreshments out in the lobby, courteously provided by the Lincoln Prom Committee, so go outside, mill, socialize, and we'll be beginning again in a few minutes.